


The Five Times John Laurens was Speechless

by old_starlit



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Pining, pretty fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 10:58:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7046653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/old_starlit/pseuds/old_starlit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And the one time Alex was instead.</p><p>John Laurens expected many things from college. Developing a crush on Alexander Hamilton was definitely not one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Five Times John Laurens was Speechless

1.  
John Laurens was late to his class, again. The universe seemed to hate him as he stared at his watch practically begging it to slow down. If only he hadn’t set his alarm clock the wrong time, or lost his books last minute, or decided to talk to Lafayette on his way out of his dorm room…

Running into someone was inevitable.

He bumped into another student and papers flew everywhere. The student just managed to recover his cup of coffee before it spilled over him.

“Sorry, sorry!” he gasped, bending to pick up the papers, figuring this was just his luck. When he handed it to the student, he made the mistake of looking at his face and all worries about his morning dissolved.

His hair was in a messy ponytail, and he was about an inch shorter than John. His eyes were dark and calculating, studying John and sizing him up. After a moment of silence, his lips curved into a smile, a sight that _almost_ didn’t go with his intense eyes. He held out his hand. “Alexander Hamilton. Or Alex.”

John took his hand and stared at him, forgetting his name for a moment. “I-uh-my name is-um- John Laurens.” After the words left his mouth, he wanted to cringe. He sounded like a verbal train wreck. 

“Pleasure to meet you,” Alex said, withdrawing his hand. He spoke quickly, and John wanted to cling to every word. “Maybe we’ll see each other again.”

“I-um-yeah?” John managed.

“I’ve got to get to class,” Alex clarified, annoyingly composed, clutching his papers. “Bye!” And then he was gone.

John was left, staring at Alex’s retreating back and wishing he hadn’t left so quickly. 

“Shit,” he breathed, knowing he was developing a crush on a total stranger. He stood there for a minute more, until realizing he was late to class, and sprinted off.

2.  
Lafayette tugged John along through the cold, blustery streets that were New York City in the winter. John blinked a snowflake out of his eye and frowned at the sky. “Remind me again where we’re going?”

“Starbucks,” Lafayette replied, the cold seeming to not even bother him. “We’re meeting up with Hercules and my new friend.”

“Another one?” John asked, remembering the last Starbucks meet up. He tried to sound annoyed, but failed through his smile. Lafayette was like a magnet- people were attracted to him and he meets someone new every week. 

“Yes, another one. You’ll like him though,” Lafayette promised. “He’s not a Jefferson.”

“Good.” John breathed a sigh of relief, his breath fogging up in the cold air. “He was awful.” Of course _awful_ was an understatement.

“You have to admit he was good-looking,” Lafayette replied lightly, stepping over a patch of ice.

“Yeah, right,” John scoffed, failing to notice the ice patch and nearly slipped if not for Lafayette’s grip on his wrist. “Well okay,” John relented. “He _was_ good-looking.”

When Lafayette opened the door to Starbucks, he brought forth a gust of wind and a flurry of snowflakes. He relinquished his death grip on John’s arm and motioned for him to follow as he made his way through the coffee shop.

John rubbed his wrist and followed Lafayette to a table, trying to ignore that the snowflakes formerly dusting his hair were now melting and dripping down his neck. They approached a table where Hercules was waiting with another student. His heart dropped when he recognized the face. 

“John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton,” Lafayette introduced his friend, unaware of the internal struggle John was having. “Alexander Hamilton, John Laurens.” 

“We’ve met,” Alexander interrupted, and John couldn’t help relax at the sound of his voice again. “I hope I didn’t make you late.” he continued, attention now fixed on John. 

“No harm done,” John replied, allowing a smile to slip onto his face.

Lafayette beamed. “My friends are becoming friends. Best. Day. _Ever_.”

Hercules motioned to the two still-steaming cups of coffee. “Sit down. I’ve already ordered for you.”

Lafayette sipped his drink. “Is that a hint of cinnamon I taste? You know me well, Hercules Mulligan.”

John rolled his eyes at Lafayette’s over-dramaticness and slid into a seat next to Alex. “Hi,” he ventured.

“Hey,” Alex said, taking a large gulp of what John presumed was black coffee. Looking closer, he noted dark circles under his eyes. There was an awkward silence between them as Lafayette and Hercules were talking in which John hardly dared to move. Then Alex finally decided to speak, words tumbling out of him like a broken dam. John watched him, mouth slightly agape, as Alex rambled on. He tried to listen to every word, but it was difficult seeing as Alex switched topics every five seconds.

“Well?” asked Alex impatiently.

“I’m sorry- what?” John asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“Your stance on gay rights.” Alex supplied.

John took a second to collect his thoughts and form a cohesive sentence. He wished Alex would stop staring at him with his slightly intimidating eyes. John eyed Alex apprehensively before launching into his views- a long list that rivaled Alex’s thoughts. A grin spread across Alex's face and before long the two were having a discussion at a pace only they could only keep up with. After minutes more of talking, the cafe was nearing closing time, and Lafayette not-so-subtly implied they should leave, so he and John parted ways with Hercules and Alex.

“See you,” Alex called with a dorky smile and John waved in return, hoping he wasn’t blushing. (He was.)

Lafayette raised his eyebrows at John once Alex had left.

“Shut up,” John said.

3.  
It was late spring and the Schuyler sisters, perhaps the most envied girls at King’s College, were hosting a party, inviting nearly everyone to it. John set foot in the apartment, mildly impressed. It was large and very nice, nowhere near as worn down as his dorm. He slipped into the midst of people, keeping an eye out for Thomas Jefferson. He sidled to a table and helped himself to some punch, throwing it out immediately when he tasted the alcohol. He preferred not to get drunk in front of all these people, especially when Lafayette was taking pictures at rapid speed. After arguing with Charles Lee for a solid fifteen minutes, John leaned against the wall, watching the party goers.

“Laurens!” John perked up at the sound of his friend and made his way towards Alex.

“I was looking for you,” he said. “I didn’t even know the Schuyler’s knew this many people.”

“It’s definitely Peggy.” Alex nodded towards the youngest sister. “She knows _literally_ everyone.” He stopped talking at the sight of Eliza, who waved to him. Alex waved back, eyes following her as she made her way across the room.

John arched an eyebrow at Alex. “Eliza’s nice, isn’t she?” he asked, trying to sound casual and failing.

Alex didn’t seem to notice. “Mmmhmm,” he said, with a lopsided grin. “Pretty too.”

“Hmm,” John said, trying to ignore the lurch in his stomach.

“‘Course you’re pretty as well.” Alex threw an arm around John, who had just then noticed a cup in his hand and rolled his eyes.

“You’re drunk, aren’t you?” he said. “Usually it’s me.” He sighed, untangling himself from Alex’s arm, trying to not think about how the contact sent an electric charge through his body.

“No..” Alex protested, swaying slightly. “Not at all. It was Jefferson.”

“Yeah, you are,” John said, tugging at Alex. “Let’s get you back to your dorm. We have a test tomorrow.”

“Fine.” Alex resigned. John led Alex back to his dorm, who fumbled with the keys before opening the door.

“You’re going to have a hangover when you wake up,” John told him. Alex didn’t reply to that, but before closing the door, he smiled tiredly. “Thanks, John. I love you.” He shut the door, where he’d forget the last few words he had said in the morning.  
John stared at the door for a few minutes, unable to move, think, or talk, before turning to his own dorm room. Alex didn’t know what he was talking about. It didn’t mean anything. And John was just friends with him.

He had a hard time believing that.

4.  
John was, he had to admit, pleased with himself. He had gotten through a year with his giant crush on Alexander Hamilton and was yet to screw up. A great feat, on his part. He and Alex were roomed together this year, which was simultaneously fun and torture for John. He was propped up against Alex currently, reading a book as Alex typed away on his laptop. His phone buzzed and John sighed, sitting up and grabbing his phone, shifting his position so he leaned against the couch instead of Alex. Alex glanced up at the loss of heat from John, but refocused his attention on his laptop  
.  
John recognized the number immediately, a number that he hadn’t even bothered to save in his contacts, as he hoped to never call it again. He took a deep breath, bracing himself for the conversation.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Hello, Jack.” John winced at the nickname that he had left behind in South Carolina. 

“What do you want?” He didn’t mean for the words to come out as rude, but they did anyway.

“Are you going to come over for Christmas?” Henry Laurens asked.

“No, Dad, I’m not,” John responded tightly, eyes flitting towards Alex, who was nice enough to pretend not to be listening.

“It’s Christmas. _Family time_ , Jack. We haven’t seen you in ages.”

“I’ll call everyone at Christmas,” John said. “I just have a lot of work and I don’t want to fly all the way down to South Carolina and…” _And I don’t want to face you_ , he wanted to say.

There was a silence. “Fine.” Henry finally relented. He sounded colder, stiffer now. “Are you still studying biology?”

“Yes. You know I want to become a marine biologist. Not a lawyer.” He bit his lip. He had gone against his father’s wishes to study law last year and Henry still held a grudge.

Another silence. “Very well. We’ll discuss that later.”

“Can’t wait,” John muttered.

Henry ignored the sarcasm, choosing to press another question on him. “Are you still going through your...phase?”

“If you mean if I’m still gay, then _yes_ , Dad,” John replied through gritted teeth. There was a crackling sound which John deciphered as a sigh.

“You know that’s not real- soon enough you’ll find the right girl and-”

“We’re not having this discussion now,” John snapped. _And preferably never_.

“Jack.” Henry’s voice was cold and imposing, the tone that would reduce him to tears as a child.

“No.” John said sharply. “Goodbye, merry Christmas, don’t call again.” He hung up before he could regret his actions.

Alex was looking at him, concerned. “Was that your-”

“Father? Yes.” Alex didn’t reply to John, realizing he was entering a sensitive topic.

“I didn’t know you were gay,” he chose to say instead. That might’ve been weird for someone who had known him for a year to say, but John wasn’t exactly open about his sexuality. He was still getting used to the freedom New York brought as opposed to South Carolina.

“Yeah. My dad doesn’t like that. Or the fact I want to go into the science field.” His shoulders hunched over. “Heck, he doesn’t really like _me_.” 

Alex was silent. “Well, _he’s_ clearly an idiot,” He snapped. John stared at him in surprise at the unexpected bout of anger.

“How could he not accept you?” Alex continued furiously. “I swear I will-”

“Alex,” John said quietly. “It’s okay. Really.”

Alex looked at John, eyes unreadable. “You’re amazing. Anyone’s a fool not to notice that.” 

John couldn’t respond to that, so he blinked what better not have been a tear, propped himself up against Alex once more and began to read. After a moment, Alex resumed typing.

The conversation never sprung up again, but John never forgot Alex’s words.

5.  
They had been working nonstop together, trying to study in time for exams. John eventually crashed around 11:00 and drifted off on the couch, textbooks and papers strewn around him, leaving Alex to study alone. He woke up around 1 AM to the sound of tapping. Alex was hunched over his laptop, still typing. The blue light from the laptop illuminated his face, letting John clearly see bags under his eyes. John suppressed a sigh, knowing he’d been up all night.

“Alex.” No response.

“Alex.”

“Alex.”

“ _Alexander_.”

The use of his whole first name caused Alex’s head to jerk up. John noted that he had an unforgotten cup of coffee next to him that was by now cold. “Yes?” Alex replied distantly, not taking his eyes off his work.

“You should get some sleep,” John said, feeling more tired just by looking at him. “You’re not going to pass your test by working yourself to death.” He gave a weak attempt at a joke, but it went over Alex’s head.

“I _can’t_ stop, John,” he said, voice frantic. “ _I can’t_.”

John tilted his head. “Alex, are you okay?” He then mentally scolded himself, _No, of course he isn’t okay, he’s sleep deprived_.

“I’ve worked all my life to be here.” Alex sounded borderline panicky, nothing like his usual composed tone. “I’m not giving up now. I didn’t give up back in Nevis or on the streets of New York City and _I can’t stop_.” 

“Alex,” John said softly. “Take a break.”

Alex was silent for a moment. He sighed, as if finally realizing how tired he was, then tore himself away from his laptop. “Fine,” he muttered, walking over to John and crashing on the couch next to him. “But only for a few hours.”

“Of course,” John said lightly, leaning back against the couch.

Alex closed his eyes. He looked exhausted. “This is just for you, John Laurens. Just for you.”

John didn’t know how to respond to that. He didn’t need to anyway, because Alex was already asleep. He settled up against Alex and stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night.

6.  
Alex and John were walking along the campus of King’s College aimlessly. Lafayette and Hercules were still in class and they had nothing to do. The two talked quietly (well, John was quiet- Alex was a bit _passionate_ sometimes) about any topic that came to mind. Alex caught sight of Eliza and Maria and waved. They waved back, smiling.

“Close friends with Eliza, right?” John’s expressions was oddly closed. It was one of the few times he couldn’t decipher what John was thinking.

“Yeah,” Alex replied, ignoring the strangeness of the question. “She keeps my head on straight.” That was true. Eliza was pretty much the only one who had any control over him, with her calming presence and sensible mind. The only other person who could get him to eat and sleep was walking beside him, and he didn’t exactly want to think about what that meant.

“Huh.” was John’s only response. Alex studied him for a moment, unsure if he’d upset him. Then John lapsed back into talking about his English class and Alex let it go.

Alex soon fell out of tune with the conversation (a rare thing, really), only nodding and saying the occasional “yeah”. He focused more on _watching_ John. Watching his curly hair bounce as he walked. Watching as his bright golden brown eyes darted around as he spoke. Watching as his hands moved with his words, occasionally darting up to play with a curl of hair.

“Oh.” John stopped abruptly, angling his head towards the sky.

“What is it?” Alex paused as well.

“It’s raining. Can’t you feel it?”

Alex put his hand up and _there_ it was. It was drizzling now and raindrops pattered down lightly on them.

“Come on,” Alex said, grabbing John’s hand. John flinched at first, and Alex regretted the decision, but then he relaxed, allowing a soft smile to spread across his face. Alex loved when John smiled. It seemed to brighten his whole face and make his eyes sparkle. “We should get inside before the rain worsens.”

They made their way towards their dorm room, not quite running, not quite walking, hands interlocked.

“You know,” Alex said, breaking the silence. “If Lafayette were here, he’d make us wait until the rain would stop so his clothes wouldn’t be ruined.”

John laughed, a sound that made Alex’s heart stop. “That’s true,” he agreed. 

They were halfway there now, rain still coming down softly. It was pretty, Alex had to admit, the way the rain touched down to the ground, crystal drops against a gray-blue sky. He caught John’s eye and realized John had been staring at him. He shot him a questioning look and John froze, dropping Alex’s hand.

“Everything okay?” Alex asked, turning so he could face John. 

“ _God_ , Alex, I can’t do this.”

Alex frowned. “John-” he started, but John cut him off.

“I have to tell you. I’m so sorry, Alex. I can’t take this any longer.” John averted his eyes, raindrops running down his face. 

Alex was now concerned. “You can talk to me, you know,” he said, reaching towards his friend. “It’s all right.”

John took a deep breath. Than another.

“I’m in love with you.”

Alex let his hands drop and stared up at him.

“I’m in love with you.” John repeated. He looked directly at Alex and he wished his eyes were so captivating. “I’ve been ever since I met you. I know you probably don't’ feel the same way but I had to tell you…” he trailed off. “Please say something,” he whispered.

Alex opened his mouth but nothing came out. He could only stare, mind whirling to piece together what just happened.

“That’s what I thought,” John said miserably, sounding and looking completely heartbroken. He walked past Alex, careful not to brush him or make any contact. 

Alex watched him leave, then suddenly realized that John Laurens, who reciprocated his feelings, was now getting away. 

Alex caught his hand. “Alex, please-” John began, and Alex wanted to pour out all his feelings but didn’t quite think he could manage to speak, so he pulled him to a kiss instead. John practically melted under it, and right then and there Alex didn’t think anything else mattered but John and the kiss and the rain above.

When the finally broke apart, John stared at him in amazement, as if he couldn’t quite believe happened. Heck, Alex couldn’t believe what had happened. They stayed like that for what seemed like ages. His ever-cynical mind couldn’t help but think, _Wow, if this isn’t cliched_. 

When he finally found his voice, Alex said, “Well, my dear Laurens, you are the first to ever render me speechless.” He found himself unable to stop smiling.

John couldn’t help but pull him into another kiss and reply, “The pleasure is all mine.”

They continued back to their dorm, walking slowly now, hands intertwined, eyes locked, with raindrops falling around them.


End file.
